Saturday, December 24, 2011

The Story of Christmas, 2011

We sit here, all of us looking into the fire and listening to the wind blow against the flap of the Tee-Pee. It's quiet. Another Christmas in the wilderness. Made it through the year, not sure how. I stopped writing some time back because I realized as I looked back and read it, that I suffered severe anxiety and trauma from those events, and writing about it all only increased my panic attacks later...

Actually, I had lost my Survival Journal down by the creek and Winter Hawk found it again today. So here we are, Christmas Eve and suddenly, Winter Hawk jumps up and claps excitedly.

"Whoop, whoop, jingle, jingle, click, click, lip pop?!"
I draw a long breath and Crazy Elk smacks his own forehead.

"Yes, Winter Hawk, For the umpteenth time, Santa will be coming tonight!" I shout.

He claps again wildly, dancing around in place, humming 'Deck the Halls' then stops and looks at us. "Whistle, click, whistle" he says, nodding his head with a serious look on his face, his eyes cut to Crazy Elk"

"I not been naughty!" yells Crazy Elk. Winter Hawk looks up with a "tsk, tsk" sound...And as suddenly as he stopped before, he started again. He claps and leans in close now, "Cheek flip, click, lip pop, whistle"

"Aw, Big bear, we have to hear again? Him do this every night since Thanksgiving!" moans Crazy Elk.

Heck, all I want is silence, but that isn't going to happen. "Let him tell it. It keeps him occupied and we don't have to worry about putting out a fire, rebuilding the tee-pee or stitching something or someone closed....Namely me"

Winter Hawk claps some more, giggling now with excitement as he starts to act out and tell the story. I will spare you the clicks and whistles...

"Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there was a town in the North Pole. I'm not sure how they got a whole town inside that pole, but they did!...I think it was a pretty big pole and a pretty small town...So there was Santa and Mrs. Santa and a bunch of Elves working on toys, and building houses and ironing and making sandwiches and stuff...And there was one little Elf named Jake. Jake had a speech impediment, so he couldn't say Santa, he just called him Thanta...Jake was Thanta's, I mean, Santa's favorite elf, and the other elves knew it, so they didn't like Jake, and he always had to clean the reindeer stalls....One time, Santa asked, 'Where's Jake?' and another elf said, 'He is in the barn giving Blitzen a laxative!' Blitzen had gotten all stopped up from eating all those Christmas cookies...Anyways, every year, Santa has the elves polish his sleigh up real shiny, make sure the reindeer have been for a walk and done their business and then he loads his toys in his big red bag to deliver to everyone...except Crazy Elk...but one year, Jake got his coat caught on the sleigh when Santa took off. He was yelling "THANTA THANTA!!!", But Thanta, I mean Santa, couldn't hear him over the ZZ Top playing on the 8 track tape deck in the sleigh. The end"

Winter Hawk claps excitedly and sits down, rocking back and forth with a huge grin.

"That not same story you tell yesterday. Story change every day since Thanksgiving! And Crazy Elk do get gifts!" Yells Crazy Elk, now completely frustrated. "And what about Jake?!? You not even tell complete story! You insane!"

Winter Hawk shrugs, "Click, whistle"

"Him still work at stables?!?" Crazy Elk just shakes his head in disbelief and grumbles to himself.

"Wait..." I finally say. "What about the baby Jesus"

"Lip pop, click, whistle, click, Martinez" replies Winter Hawk.

"No, he does not live in Mexico and his last name is not Cortez!...Jesus, not JESUS!" I say loudly.

"" says Winter Hawk. "Click, whistle, lip smack, whistle, click"

"Well...That does makes sense. What are babies doing at the North Pole and they really are too young to understand about reindeer poop...But I am talking about the REAL meaning of Christmas here" I reply.

So I stand, and I tell them the greatest story ever told...

"Two thousand years ago, on a night that was probably as cold as tonight, a man and his wife arrived in the little town of Bethlehem. The Governor was taking a census, to see who all was in the land, and Bethlehem was where Joseph, the husband was from. but there were a lot of people in town for the same reason, and when they tried to get a room at the inn, the inn keeper told them they did not have any left. he felt bad for them though and told them if they wanted, they could stay in the stable with the animals..."

"Click, Whistle!" yells Winter Hawk

"No, not like Jake! now be quiet and let me finish!"

"...So it was there that the woman, whose name was Mary, was ready to have a child. but this was no ordinary child...This baby was the Son of God. And when it was time, she delivered the child and Angels spoke to shepherds who were watching their flocks of sheep in the fields, and told them that the baby had been born and that they would find him laying in the manger in Bethlehem. The Angels told them this was no ordinary child, too. That this baby was the Savior of the world. So they went to see the child and worshiped him, and went about telling all that they had seen. This is why we celebrate Christmas. To remember the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ that night so long ago."

I sit down now, pleased with myself at the telling of the story. I look over and Winter Hawk and Crazy Elk are silent now. I imagine they are pondering the story to themselves.

Winter Hawk jumps up, grabs a stick and runs outside. I yell after him, somewhat startled for a moment, "What are you doing?"

"Click, click, whistle, click, lip pop, whistle!" came the reply from outside.

Crazy Elk chuckles and I smile at him and he at me. I guess re-writing your Christmas message to Santa, in the dirt, so he can take your gifts to the baby Jesus...and give Jake a pay raise, is a very nice thought on Christmas Eve.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

DAY 27

 "Click, click, whoop, lip, click"

"A sweet tooth? Not much you can do about it, we don't have an candy" I say.

Winter Hawk grins, wide eyed as he claps excitedly. "Click, click, cheek flip, click, whistle!"

"Honey? like bee honey? Oh no, we aren't going through this again!" I exclaim.

"Hmm. Winter Hawk have good idea." says Crazy Elk as he sits in the corner sharpening his knife blade, looking at it while speaks. "Research show evidence of honey medical benefits. Benefits not stop at satisfying palate...Honey incredible antiseptic, antioxidant and cleansing properties for body, health, beauty and skin care, and amazing healing properties, have head-to-toe remedy, from eye conjunctivitis to athlete foot. It boosts powerful healing used thousands of years and help healing for cuts, cure ailments, disease, and correct health disorders. Makura honey not only fight infection and aid healing but also reduce inflammation and scarring. It often used for digestive problems like diarrhea, indigestion, stomach ulcers and gastroenteritis."

We both just stare at Crazy Elk now in silent shock.

"What?" He says looking up with a shrug. "Me Air Force Airman. Me learn this"

We just continue to stare for a few moments longer. Finally I speak up. "I'm not going to look for honey. No Sir! You two want to go find it, knock yourselves out, I'm staying right here!" I lay down on the furs and curl up. "Nope. not happening"

"Whistle, click, click" says Winter Hawk. "Me thought bears liked honey, too. Big Bear just scared of bees" chimes in Crazy Elk. I sit up now, irritated. "No, I am not scared of bees, I am respectful of bees and I intend to keep it that way!"

"Click, long whistle, click"
"Yep. Him scaredy Bear"

"Now look!" I say, standing up and pointing at both of them. "Every time we have went out to do something, I have been bitten, clawed, scratched, drenched, nearly drowned, pushed, thrown, flipped, rolled, dropped and stomped! You two, on the other hand, have walked away unscathed, completely untouched! Look at this, look!" I point to my head "My ear is crooked on me head!!! My nose is sideways, my eyes have been continually blackened, I have stitches across my head and in at least a half dozen places on my body!!! What will it take to satisfy your desire to finally kill me?!?! WHAT?!?!" I scream.

They both look at me now, saying nothing, then they look at each other.

"Click, whistle" says Winter Hawk smiling again.
"Yep. We go get honey" says Crazy Elk.

"Fine! You go! Go! And this time, you two can suffer the after effects yourselves! I am staying...Right...Here!!!"

"Okay, Fraidy bear, you not have to go."

Winter Hawk kneels down be side me a draws a long sigh, placing his hand on my shoulder and patting me lightly. "Whistle, click, click, whistle, click"

"Oh yeah? Well, you don't have to feel sorry for me, Winter Hawk!"

He shakes his head, looking down at me sadly now.

"It fine. Him stay here, watch out for Badger. Found tracks last night around camp" says Crazy Elk gathering his things.

"Wha..? Wait...What tracks?"


As we walk through the forest, we hear the birds singing. A sign of spring coming I thought to myself. Apparently, Winter Hawk was thinking it to, as he stopped in the middle of the trail and looked up. "Click, click, lip pop, click"

"Eggs? Are you serious right now?"
He turns and looks at me now. ""
"Him serious right now" adds Crazy Elk.

Winter Hawk starts peeling off the furs and looking up in the trees to find a nest. He points and claps wildly, then points again, laughing like a crazy man as he grabs the tree trunk and starts to climb. I shake my head as I watch him shimmy up the tree like a spider monkey. "Him climb good" says Crazy Elk. I have to agree. He looked like a minature Tarzan going from limb to limb and branch to branch.

Finally he arrives at the birds nest and looks inside. "Whistle, click, click!" he yells down. Crazy Elk raises an eyebrow. "Catch eggs? Down here? Him nuts!!!" I must have have been tuned into some other thought for a moment, because I only caught the "Him nuts" part, and as I turn to look at Crazy Elk to see what he was talking about, the egg hits me in the head. I close my eyes, realizing at that point just what he had said moments ago. I open my eyes slowly as the egg oozes down my head and into my face. Crazy Elk just stares at me, mouth open, wide eyed. Angry now, I start to speak as the second egg hits me and I feel the egg instantly shatter on my cranium. I look up, yelling, "STOP THROWING THE FREA...!!!" This time in the forehead. I just stop and look back at Crazy Elk who still has the goofy look as egg slides down my face now.

Winter Hawk came down the tree almost as fast as he went up. Smacking his hands together to get the loose bark and debris off, he starts over to where we are with a wide grin on his face and then stops walking when he looks up and sees me, the smile fading quickly, not unlike the way Crazy Elk has been staring at me this whole time. I stare back and he finally speaks, "Lip pop, click, click, whistle click?"

That was the last straw. As I rush forward, grabbing him around the neck and started choking him, shaking him hard as he flails around wildly, he lets out a scream of terror. I am yelling now. "WHY DIDN'T I CATCH THE EGSS?!?! I CAUGHT THE EGGS!!! I CAUGHT ALL THE EGGS!!!" Crazy Elk Is now pulling at me as Winter Hawk screams more, sounding like a cat who's tail is caught in a blender. Yeah, i had pretty much lost it.

I did not see Crazy Elk grab the tree limb from the ground, Nor did I hear the swishing sound as it cut through the air only to make contact with my head. I felt the thud, and heard the crack, as the limb snapped in half. I let go of Winter Hawk and grab my head, eyes clenched shut in pain now. "OWWWWWW!!!!" Crazy Elk drops the broken limb on the ground as I look back at him with one eye open now, even angrier than before. I start for him, and the look of panic crosses his face. He screams louder than Winter Hawk had been a few seconds before. the scream, sounding identical to a terrified woman echoes through the forest as he turns to run. "WHACK!" I felt the hit and then I hit the ground. Dazed, I roll over on my back and look up, as I float in and out of darkness. I see both guilty parties creep up cautiously and look down at me.

"Click, click, click, whistle, lip smack, click whistle" Winter Hawk states, shaking his head slowly.
"Yep. Him lose it. Him had too much. Pretty sure him crazy now" says Crazy Elk.
"Long whistle, click!"
"Might be good idea. Him off rocker right now"

I start to raise my hand in protest, try to say the word "No". I can hear the word in my mind, but it never makes it to my mouth in time. "WHACK!" The third blow clinches the deal and off I go to dream land.


I wake up, hearing the fire crackling. I try to sit up, but feel the pounding in my head now, and then realize I can't move my head. I feel with both hands slowly. A piece of tree bark has been tied around my neck in a makeshift neck brace. I must have moaned, because the flap of the Tee-Pee flies open and Crazy Elk looks inside. "Him awake!" I clinch my eyes closed as his yell rolls through my head like thunder, causing even more pain. "Don't yell" I whisper in a raspy voice. Winter Hawk's head pops through the entrance now and he smiles, giving a thumbs up. I moan again.

"We thought you lost mind. Had to drag you back. We not mean to hit you so hard". explains Crazy Elk as Winter Hawk shakes his head in agreement, an unconvincing sad look on his face. "Can I have something to drink?" I ask through parched lips. Winter Hawk starts clapping and runs outside the flap. A moment later, he returns with some sort of herbal tea mixture, bends down and gives me a sip. It was actually good, sweet even. I look at him. "Sweet?" I ask puzzled. He sits the cup down and claps excitedly again. "Him make with honey." says Crazy Elk. I look at them now. "Where did you find the honey?"

Winter Hawk jumps up and runs outside again. When he returns, he has a bee hive hanging from a stick and pushes it through the flap so I can see it. I can hear the buzzing loudly now. "No! NO! You need to..." And almost with perfect timing, the hive falls off the stick, hitting the ground and bursting open.

"Ohhh Snap!" "Ohhh Click!" both said at the same time.

I look up to see Crazy Elk and Winter Hawk glance at each other in surprise, jump up and run, pulling the flap closed from outside. "Wait..WAIT!!!" I scream after them.
The buzzing now at a fevered pitch as I lay there...Alone...Except for the bees, knowing bad had just gone to worse. What does one say at a time like this?

"Oh no..." Was all I could muster.