Woke this morning to the sound of drums. I Looked out of the Tee Pee and saw that Winter Hawk and Crazy Elk were doing their own primitive version of Kashmir, but it didn't sound like Led Zeppelin...At all.
Hoping that the day would be a day of calm, of rest, or recuperation, I sat down by the fire, wrapping the furs I was wearing around me, and listened. The drums stopped. "You not wearing war paint, Big Bear. We hunt today. You not ready" said Crazy Elk.
"Oh yeah? Now you are speaking in broken English? What is wrong with the two of you?!? Have I not been through enough with you?!? A Badger, a Bear, Beavers, a roaring river rapids ride...Or well, a creek ride, but it was a big creek! What makes you think I am going to go hunting with the two of you again? Oh no, not a chance. I have had it! I am not a chew toy, I am not a piece of bait, and I refuse to be used in such ways ever again! I am the Chief of this, this...Whatever it is, and I am not doing it again! No Sir! You want to go hunting, you're going without me, period."
They both just stare at me now. "What?"
.........As we work our way through the woods, The two "Would-be" Indian Braves carried bows and arrows they had made. I don't even know where they are getting this stuff from, but, not planning to be a victim of a misfire, I let them lead the way.
"How much practice have the two of you had with those things?" I ask.
"Click" comes the reply.
"None?!? Should you be carrying a weapon you haven't even tested or fired?"
They stop walking and Winter Hawk turns to look at me. "Whistle, click, click, whistle, lip pop"
I roll my eyes. "Oh, so you're a natural shot, huh? Well, if you say so, Geronimo"
With that, he frowns at me, then turns and points at a small tree. "click, click whistle....Click, click" He draws back the bow, and releases. The arrow flies straight into the center of the trunk of the small tree. He turns and smiles proudly. I will have to say, I am quite amazed with the shot, I would never have imagined. So I shrug and grin. Maybe, just maybe, we will have a good hunt after all.
I start walking down the trail again and Crazy Elk stops me. "You get arrow"
"Click, click, whistle, whistle"
"I know I was the one who asked if you could shoot it, but I didn't tell you to shoot the stupid tree. You go get it!"
Now the arguing starts. Crazy Elk in his broken English, Winter Hawk in his clicks and whistles and me just yelling at both of them, and everyone pointing at the tree with the arrow stuck in it... It sounded a lot like what a United Nations meeting would sound like without interpreters.
"FINE!!!" I finally yell and start walking towards the tree. "Stupid argument over the arrow. You shoot it, next time, you two Knot heads can go get it" I yell behind me. "Not right way, Big Bear!" yells Crazy Elk. "Shut up!" I yell back as I push back the bushes and vines around the tree. "It's not enough you tell me I have to get the arrow, but now you are going to tell me HOW to get it. Just shut up!" The growth was thick around the tree but I finally get to the trunk and pull the arrow free and make my way back through the bushes. The limbs and leaves slapping me everywhere as I fussed the entire walk back to the trail. They are snickering now, apparently at me. Still upset, I scream at them, "WHAT?!? WHAT NOW?!?"
"Click, whistle" says Winter Hawk as he starts, not just snickering, but laughing out loud.
"...No...No way! Why didn't you tell me it was poison oak!!!" I said.
"I say not go that way, you say shut up, so I shut up" said Crazy Elk.
"Yeah, but you could have said, 'Don't go that way, it's poison oak!!!"
"Hmm. Me suppose..We not think of that" He says.
I look down drawing a deep breath, resigning myself to what I know is going to be a very bad rest of this day...And days to come. "No, of course you didn't. What was I possibly thinking."
Cray Elk looks at Winter Hawk, pulling on his bow now." String not tight enough. This bow not shoot good." he says. I just shake my head now, walking down the path past the two as they click and whistle, discussing the "Loose Bow" issue. I didn't want to even hear it. As a matter of fact, I didn't want to hear anything from either one of them...That is when I hear the 'Twang' and feel the sharp pain.
"Ahh, Ahhhh, AHHHH!!!"
I almost go down on the trail, then catch myself, half limping and half falling while grabbing at a tree. "WHAT THE CRAP?!?!"
Crazy Elk and Winter Hawk run down the trail to where I am, a bewildered look on both faces. I feel the area the pain is coming from, and feel the arrow shaft...They shot me...They shot me in the butt...IN THE BUTT!!!!!!!
Grimacing with pain, I look at them now. "Why?!!" was all I could ask.
They point at each other, still looking at me, silent for a moment.
"Misfire" says Crazy Elk.
"Long whistle, click" says Winter Hawk as he motions with his hands an arrow being fired and the impact with his hands.
"NO!!! I MEAN WHY?!?! WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?!?!" WHY ME?!?!"
They reach out to help me and I push them away. "NO!!! I will walk back to camp myself! I don't want your help. STOP TOUCHING ME!!!" I snap off. I... Don't.. Want... Your... HELP!!!"
They let me go, standing back now. After a few steps I realize this plan is not going to work. The arrow is deeper than I had first thought.
"Okay...FINE!!! You help me back to camp, then don't touch me!!!"
The trip back to camp was bad, but it not nearly as bad as the two responsible parties trying to dislodge the arrow from my backside. From Winter Hawk putting a foot on my butt and yanking backward to Crazy Elk trying to slowly pull it out...It was not a pretty sight.
"I know what" says, Crazy Elk picking up a piece of wood beside the fire.
"What are you...?"And the last thing I remembered before going unconscious was a whistle from Winter Hawk at the hit Crazy Elk just gave me to the head.
I awoke, laying on my stomach, the arrow now removed and a huge bandage on my backside. I looked out the door at the fire. I scratch. They are playing drums again as the pain in my butt throbs in rhythm to the beat, and I am praying for the Lord to find some mercy, just a little, to give to me...and I scratch some more. Just enough mercy to end my....The itching now growing in intensity...Oh man, I am itching bad now...Oh no, I had forgotten about that...Oh man...OH MAN!!!